I Love You

Why is the word "love" tossed around like a jump-off in a room full of the homies? Why do people use "love and "sex" like they're interchangeable? Why is love used in vain so much, it's lost its meaning like "pretty" and "beautiful"? Why do these dudes think by them saying that sacred word, it will make someone like me drop to my knees or bend over? That type of talk always made a female like me run, duck and hide...especially when I know its bs and believe me, it's all been a bunch of bs. The first time my ex told me he loved me, he made sure we were both inebriated before he said those words. And me being me shut him down instantly with "no you don't", "how can you love me and you don't know me" and my personal favorite "I don't love them hoes." But that still didn't stop him from telling me on several different occasions and me finally reciprocating it months later when I was about to reach that climatic point. I will admit, he was my first love, the first I ever gave myself to on all levels. He ended up breaking my heart with his lies and his insecurities but that's whole other post. I'm just tired of hearing dudes tell me or one of my girls that they love us when its clear that they don't. As cliche as it is actions do speak louder than words so if you're telling me you love me but you steady creeping, then the only one really getting any loving is him which means no love for me. Don't tell me, you love me if you don't...don't even say the word around me because it's really just a turn off. Say what you mean and mean what you say...

Staying Connected

I've been trying to give me 100% of me these last couple of weeks since I've been neglecting who's most important in my life...me. I started by reconnecting with an old friend that I cut off after a misunderstanding due to him. Basically, I felt like he was doing me like I was just the average...and I'm too fly to be average...so he got my vm for like 3 months before I finally answered for him again. We talked and went to the movies...like old times...trying to forget about the last couple of months. See we first met a couple of years ago and had nothing but disdain for one another. But an island trip with friends last year had me feeling him in a whole new way. It was one of those things where I liked him but I didn't want him or to be with him...not to mention we both had someone else back at home. So we kept our new found friendship as just that...a friendship...well except for when I first broke up with my boo in July...I kissed him at the bar when we were out with friends...sh*t why not...I was single and feeling myself after 3 drinks. It's been good talking to him about everything that's going on with me since I've still been avoiding my other male friend, that was like the therapist I never had, after that night at his house not too long ago. But I guess I have to go get decent for my company...my ex...

Summer Fling

Background: I went on a cruise this summer to the Virgin Islands with my family...so much fun...and I met a friend. I had a boyfriend at the time, but I was single on that trip...you know what it is...and I got a friend in the club like the 3rd night. He reminded me of Rico Suave...the complete opposite of my type...but he had that greenery that we had been deprived of since we were at sea so it was on. My cousin and myself went back to his room with him that night and indulged on his balcony, listening to the ocean...we had to use him for those purposes the next couple of nights...and I thought he was hella coo so it was a win win situation or so I thought. By the 3rd day of meeting and interacting with him, I realized that he talked way too much about nothing and he was getting on my nerves. Not to mention I had made the mistake of meeting him at the club one night...he bought myself and my cousins 2 bottles and multiple shots of Patron...I danced with him and put it on him like he was my man on the dance floor...I had other dudes coming up to me asking if we were together...I danced with some other dudes almost the same way...he got jealous every time a dude would talk to me...my mistake I allowed him to think I was his. He saw me talking to this dude that was trying to holla and told my cousin he felt disrespected and he didn't want me talking to any other dudes...apparently he was hella sick because I talked to a couple of dudes for too long. And when my cousin pulled me to the side and told me, I didn't give a damn if he was mad...I wasn't attached to anyone (on the boat) and as far as I was concerned I could do me except for kiss, f*ck or cheat. So I stroked his ego without making it seem like I was submitting to him...it worked...his insecurities stopped showing so much. As the last couple of days approached us, he got a little closer. He came with me to take my 5 cousins to the pool and stayed out there with me all day...it was a bonus he got to see me in my bikini. But we did get hella coo so the last night I gave him my number...we talked the first couple of weeks after it was over but 98% of our conversations were about the cruise and how he wished we could go back so he could be with me...blah blah blah. I started catching him up in lies and his slight obsession with me started making me nauseous...that's when I knew I couldn't talk to him again.

Well, I think like a month and a half went by without any contact from each other so I assumed he had lost my number or lost interest but no this dude called me at 1:30 am...I didn't answer...left a message...called back an hour later...I didn't answer...left another message. When I finally checked them, he sounded thirsty as ever and anxious to hear my voice. You would think I put something vicious on that boy the way he's been calling and cupcaking to my vm...I wish I could post the vms for all to hear...then you would really feel me...lol...next time

Born With a Penis But Smells Like a P*ssy

I've been wondering for a long time why players, from the other team, smell fishier than me. Meaning, why am I wearing the pants while they're wearing the pads? I thought I was supposed to be the emotional, hormonal, moody one but it's the other way around regularly. It's an epidemic that has quickly spread throughout the male race and it's continuing to spread without a cure. I can't even begin to tell you how many dudes I've come across that are "thugs" and "gangstas" in the streets but are bitches at home..now ain't that something.

Case and Point: Myself and my girl were chillaxing at her house, soaking our feet in foot spas, sipping on apple cider and eating our PF Changs takeout...a mini Diva Day...basically trying to catch up on everything we have missed in each other's lives the last 9 months. About 2 hours later, in walks her bd and his boy...great. Don't get me wrong, he's coo but to a certain extent. I knew as soon as he walked in the house, it was gonna be something...first since I was there, her attention wasn't going to be on him...second his boy was there so you know how that go...and third he's a hater. Less than 20 minutes of him being there...it started. He complained about the clothes not being washed, about her not cooking and of course about us taking up the living room...he couldn't be serious. He was doing the most...yelling, cussing, throwing sh*t and performing for me and his boy. Like me, she pretended like he didn't exist at that moment...I had heard the same bs at one time and I didn't want to hear it again. Of course, being ignored made him act even more like his obnoxious self. His final attempt failed miserably; he asked her to cook up a meal real quick...mind you...she's pregnant and the doctor told her to stay off her feet for the next couple of weeks. So because she refused, he started reading the script from Act V, scene ii...that "I run this, respect me, I'm the man" type crap. He got up in her face like she was a man about to get beat down. Instead, he just pushed her head back with his fingers...big mistake. He ended up catching a coo one to the jaw...I smell p*ssy, is that you B?

I Don't Want None Tonight

And the story continues; So my ex of the last year came over around midnight. Now I know what you're thinking-aint nothing open that late but some legs-naturally. But the two of us kick it all the time, sex free, because for a minute we were the only friend each other had. For some reason, tonight or should I say this morning, he's getting on my nerves. Every single thing he's doing or does is irritating the hell out of me. It's at the point where I had to leave the room to get some space and just breath. He's the whole reason why I have an icebox and yet I'm still around him. I guess because I haven't let myself feel for him in a while so I'm thinking he would make a coo homeboy; you know one of the ones you text every once in a while and every blue moon you kick it...distant type homie. I developed a habit of laughing at all the bs instead of going bad and I mean BAD, which I once made my only option, dealing with him. Before it was all said and done, his touch used to make my skin crawl...that's when u know its a wrap...and his voice started making my skin crawl, that's why I had to get out of the room. It could just be because I'm sleepy and I turn into a straight bitch when I'm being deprived of my beauty sleep...

So I Decided

To make up for my poor excuse for a date, I decided to spend some time with one of my close male friends. He's like the therapist, I never had. Our plan was to either go to the movies and see SAW V or go to Crustaceans for dinner after I met him at his house. When I got there, you can imagine the time we took to clown and discuss my date. I mean naturally we both had something to say about my taste in men, my poor choices in men and the power of the mancott...thanx Kris. By the middle of the conversation, my boots were in the middle of his bedroom and I was comfortablly sitting on his bed with a glass of White Zifandel in my hand. After 3 glasses, I started feeling a little dizzy. I have a habit of drinking on an empty stomach so why should today be any different. I stretched out on the bed and decided I wanted to eat, bump a movie. As I waited for him to get ready, my eyelids quickly started becoming heavy...I needed a power nap. Before I had a chance to really get into a good sleep, he walked into the bedroom dressed...damn I wanted a nap but good because I was starving. He got in the bed and layed next to me and started telling me how I needed a man that was going to hold me down, protect me, love me...blah blah blah...I tuned the rest of that sh*t out...I didn't want to hear yet again what I needed. He started gently rubbing my arm...I didn't stop him...he softly touched my chest and my stomach...I didn't stop him. He lifted up my dress and started licking my stomach...I didn't stop him...he slowly pulled down my tights and pushed my G to the side...I didn't stop him. Then he ate, licked, sucked, slurped and bit me like I was his last meal...I exploded about 3 times before I decided to stop him. I knew I didn't want to go any further with him... hell I didn't even want to go that far but it is what it is. Right when I opened my mouth to say something, his phone started ringing...saved by the bell. He got up to answer it and I quickly readjusted my panties and tights. He took the call in the other room and I put my shoes on, grabbed my purse and coat and got the hell out of there. I don't even want to begin to deal with that situation so you can imagine my phone has been off since.

Taking My Fabulousness Back

I've been feeling less than fabulous these last couple of months and it's been showing. I traded my summer dresses, sandals and platforms for sweats, hoodies and Uggs. There hasn't been any type of motivation to change my appearance until tonight. I met this guy about a week ago coming out of the store and when I say I looked a hot mess, I looked a damn hot mess. I had just finished washing my car so I had on wet jeans, a hoodie I had slept in the night before, cute sandals and to make it better I threw on gold NewNew's and "stunna" shades. Needless to say, I looked like I stank and I did...lol. But on my way out, this dude stopped me. Now, I'm used to being stopped by the opposite sex regularly but when I look busted and disgusted, I always think they're clownin...they gotta be...look how I'm looking. Against my better judgement, I gave him my number. Mind you, I haven't given my number out in over a year but at the moment I thought what the hell. So after text messaging sessions...don't advice to many of those... a couple of phone conversations and a missed lunch date we decided to get together for coffee followed by a dinner date. We met at a Starbucks, that was close to me, that way I could run home and change my clothes before dinner. You can imagine the amount of time I spent getting fabulous since I had to redeem myself from our first encounter. I wore a simple Black dress, black tights, flat black Steve Madden boots, a Guess pea coat, all gold jewelry and I pinned my hair up. Let's just say, I was looking like my old fabulous self again...what a waste!!! First, this fool is later than me and I was 30 minutes late...gave him a pass...then he bought me a White Chocolate Mocha...gave him a point...next he complimented my style...gave him a point...after he talked about himself nonstop...gave him a pass...soon after I flipped the conversation and focused on me and he did too...gave him half a point...right after he complimented my smile...gave him 2 points...I started talking about the economy and the election, he let me express my opinions without interrupting...gave him 3 points...he started talking about OUR future...no pass...he threw around commitment...no pass...he tried to hold my hand...no pass...he tried to touch my hair...no pass...he kept bringing up ex-girlfriends...no pass...he answered the phone for his boy...got a pass...he answered for his sister...got a pass...he answered about 3 times for his bm...no pass...finally he proceeded to tell me about his relationship with his bm or should I say permanent p*ssy and I left. I didn't make up a lame excuse to leave, I just left. When he got up to use the bathroom, I got up and got out of there. I don't know what he thought he was going to get from a coffee date but obviously more than I was willing to give...bottomline...Eric don't call me again.