Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Sexier Me

So I returned from my trip last night and was met at the door by the ex-factor, who for the time I'll refer to as DADDI...lol...after last night, he definitely earned and deserves the title. As soon as we saw each other we hugged and kissed like it had been 10 years since we've seen each other instead of 10 days. His shirtless body covered me like a blanket and had me smiling from ear to ear all night. It felt good to see him, touch him and feel him. It felt good to feel wanted, missed, loved and appreciated. This wasn't how I felt before I left.
We sat in our favorite spot in the house while we talked about my family, the east coast and what he had been up to as we indulged in 3 fat treats...lol. We kept looking at each other smiling, sneaking in a kiss or two as the other one talked and passed our treats back and forth. Before long, it was time to take it to the bedroom. As soon as I took off my clothes, with the exception of my panties, he was all over me; kissing me, licking me, holding me and overall loving me. This is what I had been waiting for. He tongued, caressed and sucked my body like I was quenching his thirst on a hot summer night. Of course, I returned the gesture like I was auditioning for the leading role in a Hustler porno...I was that good...wink wink. Next, I positioned myself over him and felt him melt into me...the perfect fit...lol. It was like the first time all over again...I was so in love. We continued like that into the mid am hours. We did take a couple of breaks for tacos, talks and tv but the more we talked, the more we had to have each other...its like we returned to each other different people, which never happens when I go away. We woke up this morning and picked up where we left off and filling whatever emptiness was felt when we were apart. It was difficult to let it come to an end so he could go to work but I did and made me a little more appetizing. I lit all the candles, took a long hot bubble bath, followed by a long hot shower, shaved my body from underarms to ankles, crimped my hair, plucked my eyebrows, manicured and pedicured my hands and feet, and cooked lobster tails, homemade mashed potatoes and broccoli. He put it down so good, I'm a have to cook his dinner everyday until he pisses me off...real talk. But he is about to see and get a sexier me tonight...and I can't wait...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

It Ain't No Fun...

So I'm on the east coast for the Holidays visiting the fam. Its been hella coo; snow, 8 and 15 degree weather, a missed grandma, the best pizza and Chinese food, clubbing with the cousins, bonding with the little ones, great shopping and overall my best moment of 08. So of course, while I'm here I have to get an east coast friend...I mean I wouldn't be me if I didn't...lol.
I exchanged the same number again...lol...with what seems to be the neighborhood jump-off. Knowingly I gave the number first...then changed my mind...did the disappearing act routine...DENIED DENIED DENIED...asked questions last night...and told it ain't no fun. Now I know me and my girls each have tagged one of our "friends" as the jump-off and told each other it ain't no fun. But when we say that, do we really mean it. Like if I were to pass a dude around, honestly, I wouldn't mind if one of my girls decided to take advantage of the skills I joked, laughed and bragged about. But then again would my true girls cross that line? Even if I gave them my blessing? Or would I feel betrayed and disrespected at the sight of one of my girls with a "used to be" of mine? I don't know because as much as I've said it or heard it, no one has actually done it...well...that I know about...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

ERICA...

I guess I haven't mentioned that the dude I walked out on at Starbucks called me a couple of weeks ago and not knowing it was him, I answered the phone. I decided to give him another chance out of boredom and slight curiosity...that's what I get. Originally, we made plans for dinner on a Thursday but he didn't call me when he said he would so I made other dinner plans with my best friend and enjoyed her missed company. He ended up calling so I made up some bs excuse and went to his house after dinner instead. His house is "the house"...meaning it's a nonstop party Thursday-Sunday there. I mean that was coo to me in high school and college but with a 32 yr old man, I would think things would have changed since college. What female wants to go to her man's house and be met with his drunk homies, the jump-offs and chauvinistic talk? So 5 years ago. I will admit, I did participate in the discussions about male-female interactions because I think a lot of his friends' attitudes toward women were somewhat jaded and prehistoric...surprise surprise. But in that environment, he was actually coo...I guess because he was in his element. So when he told me he cancelled our dinner reservations at Crustaceans...so tasty...I decided to reschedule with him for that Saturday.
When Saturday came, I looked too fly...skinny jeans, Michael Kors heels...thanx Nae....and a cute long sleeved shirt. We went to Crustaceans, as planned, followed by drinks and pool with one of his boys and his girl. Honestly, I had a good time...he didn't do or say anything that offended me or showed his insecurities. So it wasn't a big deal when he asked me to come back that next Wednesday to watch the Lakers game. First, we went to one of his boys house aka the trap house to get THAT...he got upset because of all the attention I was getting from damn near every dude in the room...which doesn't mean anything because they all looked like they belonged at the bottom of my shoe. Blah blah blah....basically he started disrespecting me after that...or hating on me...however you look at it. When the night was all said and done, I left it like that...meaning I haven't answered my phone for him since that night I saw him...why waste my time when I'm clearly not feeling him and any positive feelings I had toward him went out the window when he started trying to be like me...needless to say...ERICA...if you do what you claim you do...you wouldn't be still calling and texting me with that simp sh*t...

Yes I'm Alive...

It can be so hard to control and contain emotions at times. I have the worst habit of letting the ex-factor get the best of my emotions...to the point where my actions and words feel thunderous...if that makes any sense. Meaning there's so much thunder and fire behind everything I say and anything I do that I feel pushed to the limit and it can be a dangerous thing for me and the other person. Its like I get backed into a corner and the only thing I can think to do is throw blows and fight my way out. I can't stand being put into that position...I hate being confined and locked up unless it's my choice.
One of my girls came thru last night...she needed to get away from her situation and she was my escape from my situation. Instead of talking each other's ear off with bs relationship talk, we focused on doing us...the best kinda of conversation...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Too Hot Too Handle


I don't think there's any other explanation except that I'm just too hot too handle...how else can it be explained. Me personally, I think confidence is very sexy in a potential man...and I thought most men felt the same toward women. Maybe it's just that confident, SECURE men find confident secure women attractive...that's all that is.
I have an issue with dudes that think they can talk to you greasy and think you're not about to talk to them that same way...I have a mouth on me...any man come at me like that, I'm coming back at him the same way or in most cases even harder...to the point where my words get met with fists, flatirons and lighters. It doesn't matter though...I'll be damned if I let these dudes silence me and think they can pull me into ancient times when women were barefoot and in the kitchen...not me...I expect a home cooked meal when I get off work...with a hot bubble bath waiting...don't expect from me what you refused to put in.
Note to Him: She's back...you hoped you would never see her again...you prayed you would never hear her again...but here she is...not in your face...not in your SPACE...but ready to ride for hers if need be...lost the battle a year ago...but came back stronger and more determined...here physically...but been gone mentally...and go back and forth emotionally...mad because I change my mind all the time...why...I can do that...that's me...I can want a breakfast burrito...so good...one minute and change my mind five minutes later...why you mad...who cares...that's me...you once changed me...hell I changed me...but she's back...has been back and is gonna keep saying what I say...doing what I do...so stop...please stop hating me because you ain't she...

I Can't Tell...

I can' t tell if I'm being overly sensitive or if these dudes really just have their nerve. I was just told by the ex-factor that he likes making me mad because he knows exactly what to do to get me without fail...ok got you...so then my response was so you don't give a damn about me then, right...because why would you want to see me upset or purposely hurt my feelings. His response...I care about your feelings...my response...you just said you don't give a sh*t about my feelings because you purposely hurt them...blah blah blah...this n*gga started talking about bitches...I jumped out of the conversation after that. He's always so quick to point out my flaws, my shortcomings and my mistakes but can't for the life of him accept or admit when he is wrong...not a man yet but that's another post. And then on top of that he feels the need to "outsmart" me...meaning...he feels he needs to prove he's just as smart as me by challenging my opinions or my ideas when in reality the idiot ends up saying the same thing I said...he just puts it in laments terms...dumb ass. And then he has a nerve to tell me not to battle him in an argument, discussion or debate because I'll lose everytime...lmao...now that would mean something if we debated anything worth debating or if he didn't sound like he was trying to sound intelligent but isn't quite there because he's using words out of context...I'll tell you about these insecure ass n*ggas. It's not just him...it's like most of the ones I come into contact with...I like meet the same kind of dude...even if their not trying to holla. They all feel like they need to prove their on my level intellectually...because I went to college and they didn't...which doesn't mean sh*t...because intelligent people do and don't go to college...and unintelligent people go to college and don't go to college...look at the president. Or they call me cocky and conceited...and feel the need to bring me down a couple of notches...it's as if they hate me because they ain't me...but I'm like you're a dude...aren't you supposed to want to get with me not be like me? Wouldn't that make you kinda feminine? I don't know...I can't tell...